Seek counseling for past and present abuse. Therapy can be a great help if you are in this situation. Encourage or put your parents in the. Patience and persistence go a long way in making conversations productive when it comes to aging parents.
Don't go with the expectation that everything will be resolved in one fell swoop. You'll probably have to raise your concerns with your parents several times, so be patient. Bombarding the older person you love with too much information in a single conversation can needlessly trigger their fear of losing control. And if your loved one has dementia or cognitive impairment, they may not be able to take in too much information at once.
Zarit suggests taking a quiet moment to think about what you can and can't handle. Do the things you're willing to do and draw the line with the things you won't do. Our counselors help 300,000 families each year find the right senior care for their loved ones. First of all, you need to be clear about your limits. This includes telling your parents, but also being clear with yourself.
In general, however, toxic parents are those who often foster fear, guilt, or obligation in a child. It's easy to feel overwhelmed with frustration, fear, and anxiety when constantly helping an aging parent who refuses to get help, no matter how much you worry about them. Modern ideas about toxic people suggest that, yes, you should eliminate them from your life, especially if they are causing harm or are not willing to change. Another approach to helping an aging parent who refuses to get help is to be direct about how it affects you. If you're upset that your older parent refuses to move to a safer situation or to take their medications as directed, it's important to vent, but not to your father.
Setting boundaries with toxic parents is a key aspect of maintaining your sanity, especially if you're taking on some type of caregiver or support role. Professional family mediator Roseann Vanella, of Marlton, New Jersey, used this strategy to help her aging parents who they refused to receive help. Starting the conversation early, staying calm, and respecting their needs can help you manage your older parent's seemingly irrational behavior and refusal to receive the help they need. As with everything related to dementia, focus on working with your loved one's doctor to determine what could be causing resistance to showering.
But dealing with her mother's plight makes matters worse for Ptacek, the oldest of three adult daughters. Try to do all of this, making sure that the older adult at the center of the conversation understands that you come from a place of love and care. If someone has a victim mentality, as many toxic parents have, they will have unrealistic expectations of other people. For example, if you've seen that your elderly mother has balance problems and doesn't want to do anything about it, you may be afraid that she will fall and suffer an injury that will result in serious surgery.
Dealing with elderly parents can also be frustrating, especially if they refuse your help or advice. She writes frequently about mental health and the complexities of interpersonal relationships, how to respond to the difficulties of aging parents and how to deal with siblings who refuse to help.
